METHOD

Toppings

1. See ingredients.
2. Sweetcorn scraped from fresh-cooked cobs will taste better than frozen or tinned corn, if you have the time. We won't bore you (or ourselves) with cooking instructions.
3. The mustard is really important in this dish, and English works much better than anything milder - as there's little else to give it a kick - and we would never want to be accused of blandness.
4. Obviously use whichever cheese you fancy. Lancashire also works well, but one is less likely to have it. Processed American cheese is also delicious, if you are feeling indulgent.
5. As ever, add in whatever else you fancy. Finely chopped red onions? Sliced radishes? Different herbs?

The crumpets

1. It is really important to use cold-buttered crumpets for this, as hot-buttered crumpets will go soggy when they go back under the grill to melt the cheese.
2. Assemble as you see fit, having in mind the advisability of trying to keep the toppings at least somewhat attached to the crumpet. Melting the cheese on top of the corn, peppers and cornichons helps this process, and adding the ham after the grilling process will protect your precious pinkies from the melted cheese.

 

OTHER NOTES

Don't forget to use ham from happy pigs, or karma might come to bite you on the arse.